Some days are harder than others

I am blessed with so many of life's little gifts like weak vision, hair loss and an impressive manly figure (large, tubby, big) :) And I try to be OK with most of my endearing qualities, but I've had one added to my list for the last year and I am finding it hard to embrace and accept.

I have been cursed with Diabetes or as I've heard it referred to "The Sugar".

I will wait for you to have a moment of silence for me..........


I think I've gotten through most of the my stages:

1. Denial
Got it covered I accept the fact.
2. Anger
Dammit, why me!!! Why me!!! OK covered
3. Bargaining
My doctor wouldn't accept any bribes to take it off my medical records so I failed here too.
4. Depression
OK, I think I'm here.

When I was originally diagnosed my blood sugar was so high I'm surprised small children weren't attacking me like vampires to get to my highly sweetened blood.

I panicked and for the next year I ate gravel. I seriously watched calories and sugar and fat % on the boxes exercised and even created a Microsoft Access database to track food consumption. I put my Blood sugar readings into an Excell spreadsheet and I might add that I got my blood sugar down to 120 mg/dl (normal) and lost about 80lbs.

Woo hoo!! Then I lost all ambition. Just one day gone. I really do feel better I know I was doing the right thing, clothes fitting better and all of that. All effort gone.

My blood sugar is back up a bit and I must say my doctor, while being supportive and advising to just get back on the wagon, has begun to look like he's ready to smack me upside the head. What can I say. The year I worked I skipped breakfast ate small lunches and for dinner had a lunch meat sandwich with 1 oz of low fat chips. I mean for a full year I did that. Did I have results? Yes, but I just can't go back to that. I still skip breakfast and keep lunch as small a possible, but dinner is more than a sammich and chips. Probably the thing hurting me the most is excercise. I mean I just have no motivation. If I had to chop wood to heat the house I would be able to do it. I often thought if I could get some really hot chick to come over in skimpy clothes and lure me out of the house she could make me take up jogging. Somehow that seems unlikely.

So here I am realizing I need to do something to get back on track, but drawing total blanks. I mean I love food. Food is like an addiction. I mean how many recovering drug addicts would even have a chance if to live their body needed a tiny dose of heroin or something like that. I bet they would totally lose control. It's easier to go cold turkey (mmmm.... cold turkey.... mmmmm) than to have to ration and control. The problem with that is if you totally stop eating you die.

Oh well I guess I'll just keep thinking on this dilemma.

Later